” I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.” – JRR Tolkein
Have you ever come out of a desert time only to find yourself faced with such an abundance of opportunities that you can’t possibly choose them all? What if most of those opportunities were cloaked in the guise of responsibility? Choosing is no longer necessarily an option, unless I chuck the whole plan and start over again entirely.
This is where I find myself in life right now. As of this year, I am home schooling three high school students. I truly do consider myself a home school veteran by this point, but high school? Planning, tracking, and executing high school is a whole new creature. I did not properly anticipate this season. Over the summer we were able to get through it all together while our schedule was light and every one seemed more relaxed. Now, however, schedules are in full swing with outside labs rolling plus various other activities through out the week. Throw a new driver who needs hours of practice into the mix and I am one frazzled momma.
All of this craziness has led me to really evaluate what is important today. There are many things I want to do, many things on the horizon look shiny from here. I’ve allowed myself to be frustrated by trying to force them to fit inside my already full life, making a sloppy job of many things and art of nothing. I’ve decided it’s time to stop grumping over the things I cannot fit and instead enjoy where I am. These next few years are it, the end of what now seems a lifetime; what is a lifetime for my children. I dreamed of home schooling long before I had children, and I’m missing my dream looking ahead to what’s next. My dream deserves everything I have while it lasts. It deserves to be art, not sloppily handled because I couldn’t be bothered to give it my full attention. Despite sounding cliche, time will never slow down for me to enjoy this so I must slow myself and become immersed in what matters here…now.
Sometimes I forget that one time, a long time ago, I bargained with God to have enough years with my children that they would remember me if I died. That prayer has been more than answered. What I’m planning now is to be present enough that my influence lingers into the lives of generations. It is not an aspiration to be hurried.