This morning my eldest commented that she can’t believe January is almost over.
I’ve been thinking about time lately and its oxymoronic quality of being so unchangeable and so fluid all at the same time.
It’s been six months since my surgery. Six months since I sat in a recliner for weeks on end and felt the walls closing in around me while the world marched on and I struggled to walk the 1/4 mile stretch down my street. Only six months and also only six months?
Four months ago, five ladies, some of whom I’d never met, set out to start a little ministry blog. In one of those instances where it’s very good that God only gives you as much information as you need to make one step (if that), we had no idea. No idea what we were doing, where we were going what in the world could happen next. One of us had a vision and the rest of us latched on. We’ve been tobogganing down Everest ever since, sharing screamy laughter and leaping over and swerving around deadly obstacles and somehow enjoying some kind of wild unpredictable ride. Only four months, and somehow, it seems like I have been part of this magic with these people for a lifetime.
Three and a half years ago when everything fell apart, I would beat myself up for not “getting over it” faster. I detested the process of healing and forgiving, but there was no way around it, only through, or being stuck in the mire of bitterness forever. Sometimes I crawled and sometimes I soared, and thirty-one days ago I symbolically cut the umbilical cord that tethered me to that other life, and truly, like the rising of the sun, we are done with that darkness. God has answered all He will, and while wicked scars sometimes stretch and ache, they no longer break open and bleed. Just like that…only yesterday, three years ago.
And so it is that God is bringing me to the first big hurdle that we will tackle in my year of running. We’re going to handle time. How He gives it; how I use it, or waste it. As free as I feel running, I expect to feel equally as restricted by keeping time rather than squandering it. I somehow knew that the physical running would be the easiest part of this theme.