I am a recovering perfectionist. So I really mean it when I tell you I wasn’t actually as prepared as I wanted to be for the New Year. I didn’t have all my aspirations fully fleshed out. I hadn’t finished filling in my Unraveling 2013 workbook. I have some loose ideas and over arching plans, but as for the smaller mini-goals that make up each month…nada. I planned to launch this blog fully ready on January 1st. Nope. Oh it is launched, but it’s not where I want it to be yet, it’s just barely here, hanging on to being a blog by the hair of its chinny-chin-chin. Deep down in the dark recesses of my personal crazy, that bothers me. A lot, actually. That’s the perfectionist rearing her head. She likes to tell me that the world likes me better when I’m all put together.
She’s basically a big liar.
It may be true that the world likes to see a pretty, polished finished product. There’s nothing wrong with being put together, with presenting excellence and looking your very best. There’s nothing wrong with it as long as that desire doesn’t become the thing that handcuffs you to the dead weight of impossible standards rather than allowing you to jump off the cliff and fly.
I wanted to have many more things more put together than they are this day, but instead of getting bogged down in the unprepared details, I started starting anyway.
I ran two miles.
I took one picture.
I didn’t eat anything that wasn’t actual food.
I did the things I knew fit into the larger picture of year even though I don’t have all the components in place yet.
I started starting because even the small, stuttering steps are more progress than standing still. Because perfect is an illusion we create in our heads that keeps us from doing anything real. Because I have to start sometime and it might as well be today, here, now.
I started starting which can be the most difficult step of all. If we haven’t started we can’t fail, or fall, or end up with pie on our face after announcing to everyone all of our lofty goals and expectations. I don’t have to work hard, or be uncomfortable or wonder if you like me, you really like me if I don’t get started.
I guess what I really want to say today is this: maybe your day today didn’t go like you hoped. Maybe your last week, or month, or year picked you up and rolled you feet over head until you didn’t know which way was up. Maybe you got burned, hurt, surprised, scared, ridiculed…
Start starting anyway. It doesn’t have to be perfect or impressive. It doesn’t even have to be noticed. YOU will know. You will know that today you traveled just one more step down the life road. The scenery will change a bit and tomorrow you could wake up with an entirely new perspective. But you have to at least start. You don’t have to finish, just start.
Just start starting. It’s the best choice I’ve made so far this year.